Ok ok... too dramatic I know. But seriously. There's a reason I'm back so soon (blogging addiction not withstanding). I'm beginning to accept something about myself. It's been happening over my entire life, but i've been denying it. A true me inside, fighting, struggling to get out.
I've kept its true power hidden deep within, but hints of it always slipped out; in conversation. In dreams. The way I look at certain people. I know i've given it away already. i can see you nodding your heads in understanding.
My faithful readers, you shall be the first to know! (well, first-ish, i discussed it with my girlfriend last night [yes! nerds can have girlfriends!...don't let me....!]). I am.... I'm.... a PROGRAMMER!!
...that was quite destressing, actually (the blog-therapy-theory is holding some water).
Now wait wait. Don't walk away shaking your heads in anticlimatic dismay. There's more to this than you think. You see, there are people who can code in this world. But there's a subset of these people. They don't just code. Their lives ARE code!
It gets worse. Everytime they look at you, they analyze you. They break you down into self-contained modules, then they figure out the scope of your retentive parts. They try to understand how your API's work in your body and mock-up a dev version of you in their mind.
Now these folk... these are the programmers. The others just know how to code. Get it?
See, I've always known how to code. I came out of the womb with a fair knowledge of QBasic and Pascal. My first word was GOTO! If you believe those things you're a sucker, but suffice to say, I can code.
It's not the language that truly defines the programmer though. It's the ability to manipulate the language as fluently as thought. To think in constructs and classes; services and interfaces. Not to see the application of code in the real world, but to accept that code is the real world! (too Matrix-ey? well, it's true)
I've denied this monster in me for a long time. When I think back on the way that I think, it seems that I've always over analyzed everything in my programmer's way.
Of course, many people couldn't stand it and kept their distance. And many other's couldn't fathom it but kept their nodding. It's the other class of people (see? class!...sigh) who truly made and makes the difference. The class that may not understand the thought patterns, but understand the concept.
Now, I've been denying their opinions on my programmer spirit forever. No..no... I code for fun. I'll "never" code for a job. Too monotonous. Too boring. Too little thinking. *shakes head*... never...
But... what the hell is wrong with me? I spend more than 12 hours of every single day on my laptop. Of those 12 hours, at least 6 of them involve a compiler (Visual Studio 2008 these days. It's very good). Now... if it's so boring... so monotonous...why then do I do it more than anything else?...
A conundrum? yes... but clarity has washed me. I have accepted it. I am a PROGRAMMER (ok ok, I'll stop using caps).
Anyway... that's about it. Just needed to share the revelation. I can go back to Playstation Home now. Oh yea, since XI has hit the scene on Home I'm spending alot of time there!
Very mysterious-like and full of cool puzzles. Not to mention it's really the only thing to do on Home... aaannnd.... Jesse is kinda hott. =)
If you don't know what i'm talking about and you have a PS3. gah! blasphemy! Save your soul and log on to Home. Look for the graffiti on the cream wall. Your journey starts there. =)
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